Self Sabotage
Ok, before you read the title and think “there she screwed up again” let me just write my little piece!!
Well I’m glad that I wrote that I wasn’t noticing a big difference although I was drinking my water and my meals were good because guess what….there was no difference. Oh wait, yes there was…I was up 0.4 lbs. Now I know what you are thinking, .4 lbs isn’t bad and I agree with you…but to be up .4 lbs on week 1?????? Never in the history of my week 1s (and trust me I have had a lot of them) have I ever gained…..I think my lowest week 1 result if I remember was losing 6.6 lbs and I was pissed about it. Well not anymore. When I saw the number on the scale I felt like my heart sunk right to my feet. I worked hard, I ate well, and I have a lot of weight to lose, I should never have been even close to my starting weight.
So I accepted it, held back the tears, got in my car and drove home. My first instinct was “screw it” and thought about going for some take out. I hate those knee jerk reactions. Instead of turning right and heading into Bridgewater, I turned left and made my journey home. I’m not going to lie, I cried. I cried a lot. I pounded my fist and went through what could have happened. My food journal was reviewed and approved by Mary Ann that very night so although I knew it was solid, her stamp of approval proved it. I had gotten to the gym four times and each day I drank all my water. I didn’t walk in expecting big results but NOTHING????
So I get home and tell my husband. Clearly he can see I’m upset. Being the man of many words that he is, his response is “it’s a test”. A test???? Are you freakin’ kidding me? I don’t want a test, I want results. I went to bed mad at the world, mad at the scale, and now mad at my husband.
Like anything, anger passes. Once I was able to get over my anger and my thoughts of eating whatever I wanted, I realized what my husband meant. It is kind of like a test. A test to see if I am committed to this life long journey or when things don’t go my way and I don’t see the results I see, am I going to quit and self sabotage myself.
I am proud to say that I chose the road of greatness and am still eating well, drinking my water, and going to the gym. I’m still not sure why it happened, anxiety from returning to work maybe, but I’m just going to plug away and have faith that whenever the scale is ready to show me results, it will.
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March 8th, 2011 at 3:21 pm
Ken is like the monk on the mountain. Listen to him. Keep up the good fight. Cheering you on!!