Here comes more doom and gloom.
A few weeks back, I said that my purpose in life was to provide laughter to others. Unfortunately this mirth is usually arrived at through my expense. I am not the luckiest guy. Okay, that depends on your perspective. I have three healthy children a good family and …well I guess that is enough. My luck tends to fade when it comes to the little things. I remember when I was little, swimming pools were evil. Not when I was swimming in them. It happened when the pools were closed and I was fully dressed. They had this sinister magnetism that would grab on to me. Before you knew it was bobbing around the pool while bystanders tried to fish me out. It became a family joke. This continued on as I grew. My mother would shake her head at what I could “accomplish”. We lived in a respectable neighbourhood. The streets were clean and kids were always playing on them. It wasn’t like a ghetto with broken glass and syringes lying around. Kids would fall and scrape their knees all the time. Me? Well if I had a spill from my bike it was always through a smashed pop bottle. Nails were popular too.
It wasn’t that I was accident prone, it’s just that if something is going to happen it is going to happen to me. I remember a hockey game as a kid. All game long players were getting checked into the boards in one specific corner. When I get taken in there a small piece of metal was sticking out, that no one else noticed or encountered it. That piece if metal took a chunk of flesh from my elbow. The scar is still there. I have been standing in a crowd under a canopy of trees in Jamaica. I am the one the birds sh*t on. I have arrived home three hours late, my head and arms wrapped up like a mummy because a rad hose had burst on a car when I approached and I was covered in second and thrd degree burns. Eerily the other people had backed away as I walked up. ( It has happened twice. ) I have been in a line of cars when another car has lost control and smashed into the side of me. Taking out the doors while not touching any of the other fifty cars in the line. Just the other day I was in a parking lot in the wind and the rain having just stowed the groceries in the trunk. I placed the cart back into the EMPTY cart corral and ran back to the car. WHAM! The wind had blown the cart out of the corral and guided it a hundred or so feet down the lane, past all the other cars, targeting the back of mine. The smashed tail light is only going to set me back about $150.
God hates me! I have no idea what I have ever done to her, but she hates me. Must be a black thing. A wise woman once told me that God only gives you as much as you can handle. Well, HELLOOOOO, I have handled enough. I am not complaining about all the bad decisions and mistakes that I have made in life. Those were my fault and hopefully I have learned from them. I am talking about all this other crap.
So, a good friend suggested that I read “The Secret”. Okay, I’ll bite. Maybe I have brought this on all myself. I have attracted the wrong people. Like attracts like. Losers attract losers. Doesn’t say much for my wife or friends does it? I guess I need a positive attitude. I always thought I did have a positive attitute. It was the one thing that has gotten me this far.
The universal Laws of Attraction are fine, but you know what I have figured out? The Real Secret. Yup. The one and only thing that you need to know to keep yourself happy and fulfilled. Here it is – YOU ARE ALL ALONE! DEAL WITH IT. Unlucky or lucky. Successful or impoverished. Happy or sad. It is all your doing. No one else is going to do anything for you so get cracking. Why would they? They are too busy trying to be happy themselves. If your actions bring joy or good fortune to others as well, all the better. But, you have to do things for yourself by yourself. If you want to be the victim, go ahead. If you want to be the egomaniac. Fill your boots. Just don’t count on a bunch of others putting you ahead of their own desires and plans. Ain’t going to happen.
Me? I am going to keep trying to do things for others and put myself second. This morning I was quitely leaving the bedroom, lights off so I don’t wake anyone in the house, when I picked up my laptop. I had placed it beside the bed to charge overnight. I picked it up and the power cord came tight, pulling the laptop out of my hand. I was standing on the cord. I don’t have much feeling in my feet anymore ( another story ) so I didn’t realize I was stepping on it. The computer fell on one of my toes. I am getting so good at this that my muffled curses didn’t wake anyone either. I limped out to the car wondering who I should attract. The cat seems to have a good life.
Until then, I remain,
A Sour Kraut