Crunchy Peanut Butter and Other Abominations
An ongoing source of amusement in our household is the fact that I hate crunchy peanut butter. If I get the chance I buy the biggest jar of smooth peanut butter I can find. The longer it lasts, the better.
Now, in my book, anything that is designated as butter should be smooth. I don’t see lumps or crunchy things in dairy butter, honey butter or the numerous “butters” you can spread on your body. ITS BUTTER! It is supposed to be devoid of lumps.
None of the other members of my household eat peanuts. Honest. They don’t fancy them. Yet they think that there should be chunks of them in peanut butter. I don’t get it. My father likes crunchy peanut butter, but he will eat peanuts by the mitt full.
Which brings me to mayonaise. A gift from the Gods. I can, and do, put mayonaise on everything. Well, not everything. It clogs up the holes in my Shreddies ( and probably my arteries ). Mayonaise- Miracle Whip – Salad Dressing; I don’t care what it is called it is all great! And the best part is – NO CHUNKS OF PEANUTS! Here is a product that knows what it is to be smooth. Imagine the marketing challenges mayonaise would face if it had pieces of egg floating around in it.
I rest my case. I am going to toast some bread, put smoot peanut butter, mayonaise and old cheddar on it. MMMMMM… tastes like Vegimite.
Until then, I remain,
A Sour Kraut