Witness the Christmas carnage.

I had an acquaintance e-mail me after my last post, someone who I haven’t seen in a couple years and wrote, “It looks as if you have the perfect kids,” and just as I read it I was swallowing some valium on account of the constant whining and fighting, and I choked and coughed for at least 10 minutes. My throat still isn’t quite right. So if I have given anyone the impression that my kids are anything but typical, I have uploaded this video to set the record straight. It’s of my son begging to open a Christmas gift before Christmas. I didn’t videotape him to humiliate him, but to show him later when he is in his right mind, how this behavior will never get him the results he wants. I doubt that he got that message.

colin-freak-out

Our friends, Mary Ann and Kyle, have a Boxing day tradition that we love. Legend has it that it was started by our friend Susan. Everyone brings over their left over turkey and dressing and we have the best darn left over turkey sandwiches you’ve ever had. David looks more forward to the Boxing Day sandwiches than he does my actual turkey dinner, which is often a bone of contention in our marriage. Everyone brings their kids that vary in age from primary to university students and my boys love it! They usually leave a little more worldy than what they arrived, Evan acting a bit like a teenager and begging for a cell phone so he can text his “friends” from the party.

This party is very much like most kitchen parties that you’d find in Lunenburg County. The women converge to the kitchen to make the food and chat, while the men watch the hockey game in the TV room and re-live their glory days, thou slightly exaggerated. Then eventually the two groups split half and half between two rooms until the women say, “are you ready to go,” which is so often a useless question because if it usually means, “lets go”.

And while it’s true that any monkey can make a leftover turkey sandwich, there is just something about these sandwiches. They’re better than anything you’ve ever had. It could be the white bread; I never eat white bread any more. It could be the layer of dressing or the cranberry sauce. But if I were a betting girl, I’d put my chips down on the appeal really being that we’re in the company of good people who have all hit their maximum time allowance with extended family.

We all talk about our Christmas celebrations and dramas, like Rachel flying in after being stuck in an airport over night. Or that perfect gift, and that not-so-perfect gift that will never ever have a use except for the laugh it gave everyone.

So here’s the secret not-so-secret step-by-step process involved in making these kick-ass turkey sandwiches, and our recommendation that you too start a new Boxing Day tradition.

First set up an assembly line. It’s kind of like a turkey sandwich sweatshop. Everyone has a job (well, except me, I took pictures and then served the sandwiches).

Spread mayo on 2 slices of white Wonder Bread. It must be white.

A layer of turkey on one slice.

A layer of dressing on the turkey.

A layer of cranberry on the mayo on the other slice.

Salt and pepper on the cranberry. This is not the time to worry about your salt intake.
Put them together and cut in 3 triangles. Who knew sandwiches could be cut in 3’s, but this is a very important step. I’m pretty sure that Pauline, the “cutter”, has an engineering degree, because every piece was exactly same size.

Don’t they look fantastic? Place on a tray and pass. You’ll need to do this several times, and take 15 minute breaks so that they can settle. People have been known to go back to Mary Ann’s days after for more. Yes, David is one of them.

The dessert usually is squares and chocolates left over from the holidays that people bring to get them out of their house.

And now for the next year, I will hear from David, “Remember those turkey sandwiches? Man they were good.”

It’s my last post until Christmas, and if one more person asks me if I’m “ready,” while I hurriedly fight my way through the store, sweat dripping down my brow, I just may pepper spray them. I mean, don’t they see my black eye from the fight I just got in from getting the very last Bakugan in Walmart?

Honestly, I’m not ready, but I will be. I’ll get there. I work well under pressure. And then of course Santa will get all the credit. I hate that guy.

Before I get into food and booze, I have a little gift for you. Something special for my 7 readers who have stuck with me through that weird awkward phase when I couldn’t form a sentence, like last
week.

Sure I’m biased, but I think my boys are pretty special. David and I have always been pretty giving people. It’s never been a priority for me raise athletes or really popular kids, but as God as my witness they WILL BE kind and caring, damn it. But what I have discovered, to my delight, is that Evan and Colin have far bigger hearts than we do, and together, we did this video. Please enjoy.

evan-and-colin-christmas-gift-11

While my turkey is roasting in the oven, I’ll be preparing for an even more important meal. Christmas breakfast. I love to cook, but I really love to do breakfast. I think it’s because all you really need is couple dozen eggs, bacon, bread, and potatoes and voila, you’ve got yourself breaky. But this Christmas morning, I’ll make something extra special, and yes, as you may have suspected, it will include copious amounts of booze.

Bellini
Champaign and orange juice is fine, good even, but why not try a Bellini? They are my favorite way to drink Champaign. I tried the new Yellow Tail Bubbles, and get it, it’s good!

The traditional Bellini is made with peaches, and that is really good when peaches are in season, but just for fun I’ve tried many different kinds of fruits; raspberries, mixed berries and mango are all really good.

Mix 2 cups of fresh or frozen fruit with I cup of simple syrup (boil equal parts sugar and water). Mix in a blender with a squeeze of fresh limejuice and put through a sieve. Mix 1-2 ounces of fruit with Champaign.

Breakfast Crepes

Colin calls them “widdow pancakes”.
As a kid, my husband asked his mother to make him crepes almost every night for a snack, and she did! But I doubt she cheated like I do. This recipe is so easy and really good. It makes about 8 full sized crepes, and I promise you, once you’ve made these, pancakes just won’t do!

In a blender throw in:
3 eggs

1 cup milk

1 teaspoon vanilla

3 tablespoons butter, melted

3/4 cup flour

1/8 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon sugar


Blend in a blender on high for 30 seconds

Butter an 8-inch nonstick pan and heat over medium heat. Pour about 1-4 cup of batter to form a thin sheet in the bottom of the pan. Cook for about 30 seconds until the edges just begin to brown and pull away from the side of the pan. Using a spatula, flip the crepe over and brown on the other side for about 15 seconds. Remove from the pan and repeat with the remaining batter.


Separate each crepe with wax paper until ready to serve. To serve spread crepe with melted butter and sprinkle with cinnamon sugar (mix a cup pf sugar with teaspoon of cinnamon) roll up like cigars and pour real maple syrup on top. Warm in the oven.

Brie and Ham Hash Browns
Best to be made the night before.

Russet or new potatoes (one per person)
Sliced ham (black forest ham from any deli is great. It should be about 1/4 inch thick)
1 cup Spanish onion
1 Tbsp olive oil
Salt and pepper
1 cup cubed Brie cheese

Boil potatoes until just before tender (or use leftover potatoes). Cube in one-inch cubes. Put in a 12” glass-baking dish. Heat oil in fry pan and sauté onions. Spread evenly over potatoes. Do the same with ham and cheese, salt and pepper. Bake for 45 minutes in a 350-degree oven.

Alternatively try these.

Potato Latkes

3 large russet potatoes (each potatoes makes approximately 2 patties.
1 egg
¼ cup flour
2 green onion sprigs
tsp salt and pepper
2 Tbsp olive oil

Grade potatoes with a cheese grader, rinse and squeeze out the water and let drain on paper towel. It’s important to get all liquid out. Mix in a bowl with the other ingredients minus the oil.
Heat 1Tbsp oil in a pan and put roughly 1/4 cup of the potato mixture in the heated oil. Fry 3-4 at a time. Fry for about 2 minutes per side until golden brown. Keep warm in the oven while you finish the rest; Great for Breakfast or diner. Especially good with a dollop of sour cream and sliced green onion and if your lucky enough to have some Atlantic Smoked Salmon, add that too, and them call me, I’ll be over!

Eggs Jenny

Yes, very much like Eggs Benny, only lighter. Instead of having it with ham, try it with spinach and diced bacon. If you think your kids won’t eat spinach you’re silly. Kids will eat anything if you add bacon. A little bacon grease makes everything taste better.

Before I got married and ate everything out of a cardboard box, I would make that Knorr Hollandaise sauce. Now I know just how simple hollandaise sauce is to make, and no, you don’t need 2 people, one to whisk and one to pour in the butter. All you really need is a blender and fortunately I got one for a wedding gift.
This is what you’ll need for lazy hollandaise:

3 egg yolks
2 tbsp. lemon juice
1/4 tsp. salt
Dash of cayenne pepper
1/2 c. butter
a blender

Put everything in a blender minus the butter and blend for 30 seconds and slowly add in a steady steam of melted butter.

For the spinach part, just sauté diced bacon until almost crisp. Then throw in baby spinach and cook for a minute. Squeeze in lemon juice and salt and pepper; place on toasted English muffin halves and then with a poached egg.

Now that you’ve gotten through breakfast and have resigned to feeling guilty because your kids just announced that they didn’t get what they really wanted for Christmas, kick back and perk yourself a little happy, in the form of a special coffee, a VERY special coffee. If you’re not going to treat yourself, than who the hell will?

Fresh coffee, ½ ounce Baileys, Kahulah, and a bit of Grand Marnier, whipped scolded milk, cinnamon and cocoa. I put cinnamon, cocoa and icing sugar in salt and pepper-shakers to have for such occasions. Those little things really do make me happy.

On Christmas morning there are a few things I want you to remember: ribbons do not go in the green bin, always check the cavity of the turkey for the gizzards (learn from my mistakes), and look around you on Christmas morning and for a moment, become overwhelmed at how blessed you truly are.

Merry Christmas.

It’s Christmas party season, my favourite season. If given the choice, I’d rather have a variety of party dips and appetizers than a real meal. When David and I got married and decided to have hors d’oeuvres instead of a meal I think I was more excited for the food than to marry him. Kidding of course. And I’m not a food snob when it comes to appies. In fact, I love M&M Meats appetizers.

I picked up M&M Meats oriental pack and we had it with rice for dinner while the boys wrote their letters to Santa. I just so happened to have chop stick and the kids tried them. They gave up and used them for swords. The appetizers were really terrific, and their calamari is surprisingly good, just don’t over cook it or it turns rubbery.

At Christmas there are a few must haves in my fridge because you just never know who might pop in. The best thing about them is that they are so easy, and really delicious. You’ll love them. Honestly, just a few ingredients and 15 minutes you have yourself something wonderful.

Savory Pecan Log.

Now don’t be afraid. While this pecan log might not look all that appetizing, I assure you that it is. If I have people in and don’t serve this “turd log” as my friends affectionately named it, I’ve got myself a full on catfight. Here’s the recipe and the instructions as it’s kind of easy to screw up. I think I made about a dozen of them until I got a system that works well.
This is what you’ll need.

For the innards
A package of softened cream cheese
1 small cloves of garlic minced.
Still well and plop on saran wrap, form in a log and refrigerate for 2 hours.

In a 4 cup glass measuring cup microwave
1/4 cup of butter
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 tsp Worceshire sauce
2 tsp Dijon mustard.

Microwave for one minute, stir and do it again.
Stir well and pour on saran wrap thats been sprayed with Pam and inserted in a pan trying to form it into a 6″x4″ rectangle. Place 1 cup of chopped pecans on the butter mixture, making sure to get every nook and cranny. Refrigerate.

Then gently plop the innards on the outards and wrap, refrigerate for another hour.

Serve with crackers. Sociables and the Presidents Choice ones with rosemary are my fav’s. This makes a really great hostess gift too.

Spiced Olives.

The Tina school of entertaining says that you must have a bowl of spiced olives or cherries at a food table. There’s just something about digging a pit or a stem out of your mouth that brings sexy back.
This is what you’ll need.

Heat 1 tablespoon of extra virgin olive oil in a pan and cook a sliced clove of garlic in the oil. Remove once the oil has been infused with the garlic and toss in olives and a tablespoon of orange and lemon rind each. Add a squeeze of juice from each fruit and toss. Also throw in a /2 teaspoon of chili pepper flakes. Serve warm.

Smoked Salmon spread.

I absolutely love salmon and this is always a huge hit!
This is what you’ll need.

Mix a package of room temperature cream cheese with a 1/4 cup diced red onion, tablespoon dill (I use dill paste, but you can use the real stuff, I’m just lazy) the juice and rind of a lemon, a couple capers if you’d like, and mix well. Add a cup of salmon chunks last. Serve with bread or crackers.

I love to have something sweet on the table. It’s doesn’t have to be difficult. Honestly a martini glass full of store bought truffles would be great, but these are really fun, make an impression and cost about $10 and take a maximum of 20 minutes from start until the plates empty.

Cinnamon Wontons with Red Raspberry Sauce.

Heat about a cup of canola oil over medium heat and add in wonton wrappers that have been cut in half, turn over until brown on both sides and remove allowing them to drain on paper towel. Then move them to a bowl that has a cup of brown sugar and 1/8th cup of cinnamon. Toss and continue with all the wrappers.
In a bowl, mix 1 cup of frozen raspberries with a 1/2 cup of simple syrup and mix (my version of simple syrup is equal parts sugar and water, boil and cool).

The Grinch Martini

Thou it’s sweet, it is a bit refreshing. I certainly couldn’t drink these for a night without going into diabetic shock, but to have one or two you’d be ok.
This is what you’ll need

Bad picture sorry.
Add equal parts vodka, white cranberry juice and sour apple mix. Shake, shake, shake, serve in a martini glass rimmed with a candy cane thats been zapped in a food processor and then drink, drink, drink.
And your guests small heart will grow 3 sizes for sure.

I wrote in a previous blog that I would be posting holiday fun until Christmas, so I will refrain from expressing my dissatisfaction with our Canadian Government, regardless of their political strip, until after the holiday and after I consult a lawyer about how far I can legally go in publicly condemning them on how pathetic, lazy, and selfish they are. But I promise to not write about that until after Christmas. I am a woman of my word. Coincidentally, anyone know where I can get a bumper sticker that says, “Don’t blame me, I voted Green”?

And this has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that we could potentially be in a “insert R word here”, but I thought it would be fitting to share what I am giving my beloved co-workers and some friends and family for Christmas. I always make a good portion of the gifts I give, not because I’m cheap, as my husband likes to call me, but because I just love receiving a gift made with someone’s talents. My favorite gifts to give are jars of home made baked beans, or soup, squares or biscotti.

Every year I give my colleagues a small token of my undying love, appreciation and gratitude. Past years I’ve made small jars of marmalade, caramel and chocolate sauce; everything I give is almost always food related. To my friends I have been known to deliver a variety of pastries for Christmas morning that is always a huge hit.

If you are one such person who receives these little bundles and want to be surprised, you have a couple of choices here. You can (A) stop reading or (B) continue reading and when I deliver my gift you can ewe and awh at how clever I am, and tears always work well. But if you wish to continue reading, don’t whine later that you always like my surprise and are now disappointed that I spoiled it. This is your warning. OK- off you go now to the plan A’ers.

Almost every night before bedtime my boys have a mug of hot chocolate. We barely miss a night. After realizing how much canned hot chocolate mix I buy and after tasting it and discovering that it really isn’t that good, I decided to make our own. The kids loved it even more than the fake stuff (how bout that?). So that’s what I’ve decided to give all the people I love and I will share it with you as well.

Creamy Hot Chocolate Mix
1/2 cup cocoa
1 cup icing sugar
1 tin Nesquik (must be nesquik)
1/8 cup cinnamon
1 500 g bag skim milk powder
1/2 container of coffee whitener
1 box instant pudding (this really makes it creamy)
Mix well and put through a sifter to remove lumps. Store in an airtight container. Mix 1/4 cup mix with 1 cup of hot water. Top with whipped cream or marshmallows (I always usually add an ounce of Baileys, it’s Christmas)

Now the hot chocolate mix isn’t all that clever, in fact, any monkey can make it. It’s the packaging that is the most fun! I found these delightful little paint cans at Gow’s Home Hardware. The small cans are only $1.19 and the lid is $.27 (but I have to say I think it’s foolish to sell one without the other). The larger cans are a bit more.

Then I filled the tin with the mix and secured the lid with the heal of my stiletto. They are also good for hammering nails in walls to hang pictures.

Each small tin holds a cup of mix, so it can make 4 cups of creamy hot chocolate goodness.
And just to up the adorable factor, I will make labels for the cans that give instructions on how to make the hot chocolate and a little holiday greeting from our family and a picture of us enjoying the hot chocolate by the fireplace. On three, awwwwww! And the label will say Sending You Tidings Of Comfort And Joy. Tanya, one of the talented Graphics Designers who I adore at Lighthouse, is doing the label up for me.

My sister Deanna did our family photos. Speaking of giving a gift using your talents, my sister is probably the most talented person I know. She always gives us a framed photo of the kids that she’s taken when we are unaware, or a scrapbook that she made of the kids one day at the park. She basically gives what I would love to do myself but don’t have the time or talent and it’s just so much easier to say “I really should make a little scrapbook”, when I know full well that I never will.
Photography is her hobby, and not only does she love it, but she’s good at it. We spent an afternoon with my friend Jen and her family getting our family pictures done, and not boring ones, like- “one, two, three, CHEESE”; but “just walk and look at each other if you want, maybe hold hands, and hey, Evan’s climbing the tree, great shot!”, and it was a real fun un-photo shoot kind of photo shoot.

And because I know my sister, and because she was always my partner in crime in the search for the Christmas gifts before Christmas, and even had a hand in unwrapping and rewrapping some gifts under the tree, it’s quite possible that she picked option B, to read this blog. So not to worry, Deanna, the odds are good that there is something besides hot chocolate under the Christmas tree for you.
Maybe, bubble bath (inside joke).