Ok- I’m not trying to suggest that playing video games is a good form of physical activity, or that playing wrestling on the XBox, where blood splatters on the ring floor is a wholesome activity.  But I will say that my Colin puts an awful lot into it…

I mean… look at the kid sweat!

Seriously…that’s sweat on the neck of his shirt!

And this is his menacing victory glare.

Meet Justin.  My boys’ really big brother.

I’ve never written about Justin before.  It’s not really my story to tell, and I hate telling other peoples story. I think they should tell their own.  But I’m going to tell you Justin’s story because it is such a great story.

I first came into David and Justin’s lives when I was 20.  David was 28.  Justin was 12.  I had no business being a step-mother at 20, I was far too immature.   But Justin was this cool little 12 year old, with floppy haircut, low-ridin’ shorts and skateboard in hand, who loved playing the guitar, basketball and listening to alternative music, who just so happened to have a single-dad who I fell in love with one summer when we both bartended at the Mug and Anchor Pub.

Justin was a very likable kid.  But he could be a brat, and, at 20, so could I.

We had a few of the same interests, I took him and his buddies to Our Lady Peace, a band I had then seen a handful of times.  I took them skiing where he and his buddies would snowboard on the moguls while I’d gingerly ski Buttermilk.  They’d wait for me at the bottom to join them on the chairlift, until they met “hot girls” and then I’d go in the lodge and eat a Beaver Tail.

All things considered, he was a dream teenager.  Sure he’d occasionally break curfew, barf in a toilet, and play loud music but he never came home in a police cruiser, he never punched anyone, and only called me a bitch to my face once.  I can assure you, there were more times that I deserved it.

The truth is, I’m not any different towards my kids than I was to Justin.  I made them all do their homework, I made them all take showers when they stank, I made them all earn their keep.  I love all them but I’m tough on them.  They might call it “mean”, I prefer the term “push”.  I push them.  No one “pushed” me.  Sometimes, I really wish someone had.

Justin’s grown up now.  He has his own home and visits often.   He works at HB Studio’s where we don’t know exactly what he does, so the boys just say he makes video games.  He plays in a band, has a half-pipe skateboarding ramp in his garage, drives a motorbike, takes them to wrestling and if you ask my two boys, they’d say he’s pretty much the coolest big brother on the planet.

We’d have to agree.

The boys know Justin as their brother who happens to have another mother or brothah’ from another mothah’ as the kids would say.  We’ve never explained it.  Quite frankly they were too young to understand, and maybe we took that for granted.  Because one day a few years ago, Evan came home and said, “Mommy, you are never gonna believe this!  A kid… at school today… well…he told me that Justin’s mother, probably was married to MY DAD before you!  Can you believe they said that?”

And I panicked.  I started to sweat.  We weren’t trying to keep anything from them, we sort of…forgot.  And to be honest, didn’t really think it was a big deal.  But I knew immediately that we should at some point tell them and that there was no time like the present.

I explained to Evan, who is far too wise for his age, that his dad was married to Justin’s mom and that divorce is not the end of the world, people move on and find love again, as they both did, and that Justin is still his brother, and that wouldn’t ever change.

Evan looked at me, taking it all in.  I asked him if he understood and he said, “Oh, yeah, I understand completely, Daddy just…falls out of love with people, that’s all,” his chin starting to quiver.

I could see the anxiety on his face as he imagined his dad and I living apart so I immediately started to reassure him.

“Evan, Justin’s mom and your dad loved each other very much but both decided that they didn’t want to be married anymore.  It happens, but your dad and I want to be married.  And while I hope that doesn’t happen to me and your dad, if it does, it doesn’t change that I’m your mom and dad’s your dad.  Just think- Justin has always been your dads son.  Divorce never changed that!”

He seemed reassured but continued to ask questions, which I welcomed and answered honestly.   It turned into a whole…how babies are made speech. I mean, I was there anyway, I might as well commit.

Then, you could see his mind work, my wise ol’ 8 year old who was far too good in math, and he said, “So…Mamma, if daddy is 40 and Justin is 24, that means that Daddy had sex when he was 16 and had a baby?  Gross!”

Now, here’s where it gets tricky.  I knew that I had come this far, I mean, I had committed to the truth at this point, and I knew that if I didn’t go all the way with it, we’d all be one day on the Jerry Springer show with a DNA test with the crowd chanting, Who’s ya daddy?!” I knew after I had explain the whole ‘egg and sperm’ stuff to my 8 year old son, I had to go all the way and tell him that his dad’s sperm didn’t actually make Justin.  David was dating Justin’s mom when Justin was just a baby.  They got married,  and David adopted Justin.

That’s a lot for an 8 year old.  He asked, “Well, what does that mean mommy?”

“Nothing Evan.  Absolutely nothing.  Justin is just as much your brother as Colin is.  You can go to his house when you’re mad at us, when you need to borrow money, when you need a ride somewhere that we won’t let you go.  The only difference is that Colin can give you his Kidney.  Justin can’t.”

Evan looked relieved and then asked, “What’s a kidney?”

“That’s a lesson for another day Evan.  Right now, mommy needs a drink!”

This is it, the ending of 30 things in 30 days- or is it the beginning?

Again, if you haven’t read in a while, go two posts back if you want to follow along.  Here are the last 10 things I did to finish my 30 things in 30 days challenge.

Wear open-toe shoes that were obscenely high heals just because I can.  I kicked them off under my desk.

Dig out my paints.  I have been thinking about this one for a while, probably since I was at my friends mothers house.  Judy was painting a beautiful bowl of apples.  They were gorgeous!  I remembered that sense of accomplishment, I remembered how it felt to be nearing the end of a painting, the anticipation of the finished piece.  I painted a million years ago, before the kids. Every monday morning, I’d join a half-dozen other ladies and we’d paint for the morning in what was fondly dubbed, “The Tree House”, the instructors house was surrounded by trees.  In Judy’s house a few of her paintings were hung on the walls like mine once were.  They’ve been replaced by hand prints of my boys.  Ever since seeing those apples I’ve been thinking about digging out my paints.  It’s probably the thing I had the most anxiety about.  I thought, do I still even know how to paint?  It turns out it’s just like riding a bike.   I won’t be opening any art exhibits anytime soon.

Toast myself.  We don’t do that enough.  I poured myself a drink and congratulated myself on something, I don’t remember what, frankly, it doesn’t matter.  Coincidentally, I had my coconut rum. Yum!

Wear something at 35 that I would not have worn in my 20′s. This is also something I haven’t done yet, but I made plans to.  Our annual newspaper conference awards banquet is this weekend and I plan on rocking a black sequence mini dress with a gladiator heal.  Maybe rocking is an exaggeration, but I will wear it for sure!  When I was 20 I would have been far too concerned by what others think.  Now, at 35, I’m less concerned about what I’m wearing and more excited about a night alone in a hotel bed.

Use self tanner.  I distinctly recall in high school, at a track meet, laying out in the sun after applying baby oil. Yes, baby oil.  Then I put an elastic band around my wrist to see how dark I was getting.  Seriously!  Now that just seems foreign to me.  But I won’t lie, I like to be sun kissed.  So I used self tanner and I feel like I have told the VU rays to suck it!

Learn a new strum pattern.  I love to play the guitar.  It’s very de-stressing.  So I decided to learn a new strum pattern, and I’m getting use to it.  The new pattern is DDDDUUUDUDU.

Say yes when I want to say no. A-humm. This could relate to so many things- but this one evening, David and I were invited to go to the River Pub with our very good friends, Jen and Wayne.  Their friend was playing guitar and they know how I love live music.  David had already made plans to watch the pay-per-view fight so we declined, can you handle the romance? I was doing the dishes after dinner when I got a text from Jen who was at the pub.  It said:  Hey Bud, you would love this! I quickly changed, ran a tooth brunch over my teeth, went downstairs and told David I’d be back at midnight.  The look of shock on his face was hilarious and a little bit sad.  I thought, hey, we’re adults, you watch the fight, I’m going out. It was standing room only in the packed pub, with one guy and a guitar.  It doesn’t get better than that!  I felt like I was at the Warehouse in Sydney again.  He played everything from Michael Jackson, to Keith Urban, to Stompin Tom, to the Hip.  God, I wish I knew his name, anyone know? He’s a definite must see!  FYI- I was also the designated driver, another first!

Go for brunch with a friend.  And it was on,  of all days, MOTHERS DAY!  FOR SHAME! I can almost feel the judgement.  And trust me, I could feel the judgement there too, by all the other mothers at the restaurant.  But only sort-of.  We could also see the look of envy.  I got to spend the morning walking in Lunenburg, and ate the best eggs benny of my life at Trattoria Della Nonna, and drink coffee with a mom that I so admire.  I felt rejuvenated and then spent the remainder of the day with my boys gardening and laughing, with all the patience in the world because, I repeated to myself, “this is what balance feels like.”

Do something kind for my love.  David and the guys have all been working really hard at County Collision, David’s business.  They’ve been flat out, which is exciting, and he’s even hired twice since it opened.  The guys put in really long days to get their customers back on the road quickly, and David wanted to do something a little nice to show his appreciation for going above and beyond their job description, so I made my infamous donair meat with all the fixen’s, told them not to worry about packing a lunch, and they feasted. Do I know the way to a man’s heart or what??

Insisted my kids do this exercise.  I told them to think of 10 things that they want to try.  Things like, “learn a Spanish phrase”,  or “pick up litter”, “write a poem.”  Instead they wrote, “Become a UFC fighter” and “Go to Disney World.”

Can I just tell you how delightful it’s been to share these with you?   I’ve heard from countless people (actually, eight) who have told me about the things they’ve done, and things they’re going to try, including a few of you who know exactly how I was feeling.  It’s amazing!  Like my friend Suz, she made her mom a birthday cake and instead of using buttercream, she used fondant.  Can you imagine making this for someone?!  It’s exquisite.

So there you go, that’s it!  I’m done.  And now you’re up.  It really is easy to do one thing different every day for 30 days, if you’re open to it.  But I challenge you to try it for 10 days. Just for fun.  I promise you, you’ll be amazed at what this opens your mind to.

If you’re just tuning in, you really should scroll down to read the next blog- you just won’t get why I’m writing this if you don’t.

So, I did 30 things in 30 days, things that I would not normally do, I had a ball, I spent a fortune, I have made myself a priority, I did what my own mother didn’t do, I’ve heard from many of you who feel the same, to sum it up, it wasn’t a bad week.

To continue- here are 10 more things that I did, because I know you’re dying to know.

Buy skinny jeans- I really am not fond of skinny jeans.  I find they make even really skinny people look hippy.  So I sort of avoided them.  That’s when all the skinny jeans I saw looked like those Peppey jeans, you know with the coin on the back pocket and the zippers on the bottoms of the legs? Yeah, those. Remember those? Anyway, I found a really great pair at Boot Legger.  I love them.

Find a theme song.  So- do you ever hear a song and it takes you right back to that time?  Like, when I hear anything by Blues traveller I”m right back to my first apartment on King Street in Bridgewater.  When I hear the band LIVE, I’m living in Bayhead Landing, smoking on my deck.  When I hear Great Big Sea, I’m in Cape Breton.  I thought I should have a song for this time in my life, this little crisis that ended up rocking! Here it is.

Get a facial.  I think this is the first facial I’ve had in over a year.  It was amazing.  Cheryl Pickens did it.  I use phrases like, “please burn the top layer of my face off,” and she replied with phrases like, “How about something more gentle?”  And I replied with words like, Scour and Peel, and she replied with words like, Soothing and releasing impurities.  We met somewhere in the middle.  My face felt wonderful,  void of all the gunk, but she did it in a way that enabled me to go to the grocery store afterword.  I made a vow to fit this in my budget.

Moisture more than just my face and hands.  It all started with a conversation I had with some girlfriends about cleavage wrinkles.  Ever since then I have been moisturizing daily.  It’s a simple thing.

Plant a garden.  I started a vegetable garden. And if it’s the last thing I do damn it, I WILL EAT FROM IT!!

Go blond.  Yep.  I’m blond.  And even thou I’ve been blond for a few days, I still shock myself when I look in the mirror.  I don’t know if I really am a blond, if it’s something I’ll keep, but I’m having fun with it for now.  I’ll let you know if they have more fun.  The only change I’ve have experience so far is that I’m more honest.  I was talking with a colleague at work and I told her that I was losing interest in the conversation.  Like, who says stuff like that? Sorry Paula!

Get lazar hair removal.  OK, I didn’t actually get it yet, but I bought the passes and booked my appointment in June.  I’m finally going to get some of my unwanted hair removed, and I can’t wait!  What I will do with all that extra time?

Buy mushrooms.  I know this is strange, but I did it for principle!  I’m the only one in my family that eats mushrooms.  Everyone else hates them.  It’s been years since I’ve cooked with mushrooms.  I use to make the best mushroom risotto, but since I met David I haven’t made it.  In fact I haven’t added mushrooms to anything in over 10 years.  But I went to the farmers market in Wolfville and I bought a bag of mushrooms in all different varieties.  I got oyster, button and portobello, and when David looked in the bag he said, “But…you’re the only one who’ll eat these,” and I said, “Yeah, yeah that’s right.”  I got the sense that David stopped liking this little experiment right about then.

Visit an old friend.  Not old as in age, but old as in I haven’t actually sat down and chatted with for about a year maybe, but when we get together it’s as if we talked yesterday.  It was lovely. I love that I have such incredible women in my life.  I love that we talk about things and not people.  Thanks Deb.

Buy a new bra.  I know I don’t have to explain.  You get it.

Here it is.  30 things in 30 days.  This project ended up being a great thing for me, but it didn’t start out that way.  As a matter of fact, I started this project because I felt like I was going through what I can only describe as a mid-life crisis. Well, quarter-life crisis.

Seriously, I was at the point where I thought, what is my role here?  Is my role to sit on the side lines and watch my boys play soccer?  Is my role to taxi them to hockey? To be their caddy on the golf course?  To cook them meals and fetch them water at bedtime?  And what is my role as a wife?  Am I just to co-parent with him?  To rub Tiger Balm on his back? Remind him to pick up milk?

Don’t get me wrong, all of these things are my role, and I love them all, I always have.  But somewhere along the way, I believe I was losing who I was.  I thought, there are just certain things that I can’t do anymore if I’m going to be a good mom, and the wife I want to be.  It’s like this:  We’ve just paid over a grand in soccer, golf, swimming  and tennis registration.  How can I justify getting my roots done, or the pedicure I once so enjoyed, or my upper lip waxed?    I thought, I’ll just have to go grey, wear socks and sandals and grow a full-on beard.  I thought, this is exactly where women are when they decide to let themselves go.

I thought, there is no shame in that.  I can sacrifice for the sake of my boys.  They deserve it.  But I thought, I deserve one last shot before I give in.  Thirty days isn’t that long.  I can give myself thirty days to be completely selfish.  I decided to do one thing different every day.  One thing that might not be a big deal, but is something that I wouldn’t normally do and is completely for myself.

And I had a ball!~

At first, it was tough.  I would wake up not knowing what my thing that day way going to be.  I didn’t have a list, because frankly, I didn’t know what I was going to do.  But I’d go about my day and eventually, it would come to me.

Eventually it was more easy, and some days I had several things that I wanted to do, so I’d try to spread them out.  Sometimes I would think of something and say, oh I can’t do that, and then I’d be all, hell yeah I can!

And now, after 30 days and spending a bloody fortune, I feel more relevant.  Now that the 30 days are up, I know that I can’t stop here.  I will continue to do new things, again and again and again until I run out of things and have done everything!

So today, I’m going to share with you 10 of my 30 things.  This blog post ended up being way too long, and you would have all ended up falling asleep, so, I’m breaking it up in thirds.  You’re welcome! I’ll post all the pics at the end of this.  Here we go….

Get my boaters license.  I hate depending on a man.  And if I wanted to go for a boat cruise, or take the boys fishing, I’d have to wait for David. No longer. I have my boaters license.  Look out!

Make homemade wine. My neighbour and friend, Daveda, and I each bought a kit and are making wine in my sauna turned wine/canning room.  The smell of the basement as the wine is fermenting is intoxicating, literally.  The decision to make my own wine is part hobby, part cost saving measure and part to have a wine tasting with all my wine making buddies at the end of this.  There are a fair amount of us who have carboys going.  Several of us have already reserved our spot in the detox center.

Get involved in politics.   So it didn’t turn out the way I wanted.  So what!  I now get it.  It turns out that some people are elected as leaders and shouldn’t be, and some who aren’t elected but is still a great leader in his own right.  Derek Wells is one such man. I went to the debates and helped tweet for the campaign during the last election.  And incase you’re wondering I’m now more Liberal than ever.

Win a National Newspaper Award for the forth consecutive year. This day I really had nothing in the hopper and I was getting a bit nervous that I wouldn’t find a thing, and then all of a sudden the awards were announced for our National Newspapers Association, and we won the newspaper promotion category for the forth year in a row.  This category is sort of my baby now.  I always come up with a promotion for our paper, and I’d be lying if I said that winning this award wasn’t part of my planning process.

Wear make up, EVERYDAY!  Seriously, I’m someone who should wear make-up, but sometimes I would go out IN PUBLIC without any on.  And I thought, how does this happen?  I was the girl who, in high school, my girlfriends would all get dressed at my house and I’d do their make-up.  Really, it’s not that hard, I should do it everyday.  I knew this was a good idea when one day, I got ready for the day and walked downstairs and Colin says to me, “Mamma, are we gettin’ a baby-sitta?”

Steep a green tea, and soak in the hot tub by myself, without the kids or David.  I love the conversations I have in the hot tub with the boys, but this night, it was me alone.  The stars were beautiful, the night was calm.  I was bored out of my mind.

Download a completely different genre of music; a band that I have never heard of before.  I downloaded the Avett Bothers, click this link, it’s awesome, part folky and all fabulous and apparently very popular. I’m so yesterday. I especially love the line that says, If you’re loved by someone, you’re never rejected.  Decide what to be and go be it.

Become a member of the International Dory Racers Association.  I can’t even believe I did this.  My friend and I are now international dory racers.  Have you ever rowed a dory, one might ask?  Yes, once, in a hospital fundraiser, and failed miserably! And that’s part of the appeal.  I hate not being able to do something.  So now we’re gonna row, and we’re going to call ourselves “Two Oars in a Boat.”  David said, “But Tina, there will be 4 oars in your boat,” and I said, “No, there are only two of us.”

Wear a dress to work.  I use to wear cute dresses all the time.  I haven’t in a while.  So I dug one out and wore it, and even though my legs froze, I left slightly fabulous!

Read an e-book.  Personally, I like book shopping and flipping pages.  But I thought I’d try downloading a book on my sons Kobo.  I downloaded The Happiness Project. Coincidentally, it’s very much like this little project.

Ok, that’s 10.  More to come in a few days!  Oh, BTW- you know I’m going to be asking you to do something different today.  Go ahead- Try it!

Some people might say that I have far too much time on my hands.  Fortunately for them, and me, I wouldn’t like them anyway.

It wasn’t a case of having too much time on my hands, I simply wanted to make the BEST EVER PINA COLADA.

I thought in order to do that, I should make home made coconut rum.  So now, in my sauna turned wine/canning room, I have roasted, shredded coconut marinating in rum.

I had my ever loving (and very understanding of my Tina’isms) husband drill a hole in a coconut that I bought at the grocery store for $1.49, then I roasted it in a 350 degree oven for about 30 minutes.  It pulled away from the shell enough for me to rip it off.

Then I peeled it of the brown gunk, and then shredded it on my cheese grader.

I put the coconut in a simple syrup (1 1/2 cups water, 1 1/2 cups sugar) and cooked it for about 5 minutes.

I cooled it, and added it to a 40 of rum (believe it or not, this is a 40 of rum.  It’s just a really big jar.

And now… I wait.  I wait with coconut milk, dark rum, fresh pineapple and cherries, and part of me thinks I should have just bought coconut rum.

But that part is fading quickly, because almost daily I go down in the wine room and have a wee little nip, and everyday is getting better and better. I figure it will be ready just in time for the sun to come out.